Screenshot by author

Oh What? Oh Jeez! — because the world needed another blog

In order to achieve my dream of being both incredibly productive whilst also contributing absolutely nothing to humanity, I learnt HTML and built this website upon which I may preach my special snowflake views and soapbox to my heart’s content. No matter how uninteresting the topic, if it catches my fancy for a fleeting instance I shall write about it for the reading pleasure of the 0–5 readers this site may one day accumulate.

So why even bother issuing your musings out into the big wide world when you acknowledge nobody/effectively nobody shall ever read them?, I imagine I hear the unwashed masses cry. This website serves a few purposes, which I shall now enumerate in more detail than even the fictional curious audience I am addressing would care for:

1. The blog section serves as something akin to a diary, only without the privacy that is the major selling point of such. However, if the popularity of Snapchat has taught me anything, it’s that apparently getting a pre-existing thing and removing qualities in order to make an inferior product is a valid and successful business plan. If I see a thing that I feel merits my spewing my thoughts into the vastness of the internet, I will do so here for the enjoyment of anyone who stumbles upon it looking for something else. This also serves the added purpose of immortalising anything regrettable that I say for all time, which might some day bite me on the arse and be ever so exciting, perhaps if I say something racist or similarly naughty and experience flash in the pan e-infamy.
2. The programs and websites sections might serve as a portfolio of some sort, should I find myself seeking work in the big wide world of computers ‘n’ that. A quick link to such hits as the Royalty Simulator 2013 will no doubt bowl over any prospective employer and allow me to seize any job I want without hope of competition, forever granting me an easy ride in life. I would describe my aspirations as grounded.
3. The shirts section serves the role of being a fourth tab doesn’t exist any more.
4. The other section serves everything that doesn’t fit into the other tabs.

So there you have it. Truly, this site is everything from the second coming of Michel de Montaigne, a sickeningly self-masturbatory monument to my own inflated self of self-importance, a demonstration of any hopefully hireable skills that I may have acquired (in retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t use terms like self-masturbatory on here if I plan to impress employers with it) and damn near everything in-between. Or at least I should like to think so.